I have been more body-conscious than usual lately. Not hateful, not loathing, not obsessive, but…conscious. You regular readers know why. As much as it hasn’t become pathological, part of me is a little frustrated—I’m recovered, God*(#*)t! I’ve DEALT with all of this. As in past tense. Done, over, g’bye.
But the other part of me, the grown up, more reasoned, and yes, more recovered part, knows that you’re never really done with this stuff. Just like our lives, our bodies change all of the time, and the way we feel about them does too. My God, when you’re pregnant, your body changes absolutely daily! In ways you really have no control over. (What a ride that’s gonna be!)
So, I wanted to have a little discussion about body talk today to sort of clear the air in my own mind—and perhaps help some of you do the same. My days of true body hate are over, but there are two mean words that have come into my head lately that I need to cleanse from my brain: squishy and lumpy. (Sounds like a couple of dwarves, huh? I’m Squishy, who are you? Lumpy!) The words bubbled up, I recognized them as unhelpful at the time and I let them go without obsessing, but this morning I woke up thinking it was time to address them directly for an even deeper exorcism.
The truth is, I’m not squishy and lumpy—but I am soft and my edges are most defintely rounded. Do I have more dimples on my hips and butt than I used to? Yes. Is that normal as you get older? Yes. And, the most important question: Is the way my butt looks truly that important to me? No, actually, it’s not.
See, my values have changed a lot along with recovery. My weight and my appearance are no longer the definition of what makes me valuable—sometimes I just have to remind myself of that! Old habits die hard.
Now it’s your turn—has some residual mean girl in your mind said something negative about your body lately that you’d like to get rid of? Share it, and let it go! xo…Sunny
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UGLY VOICE: Losing weight won’t matter. You won’t be thin, you will just be a little less fat. You are and always will be FAT.
Wow! I would never say that to another person, why do I say it to me?
Mean Girl Self: “Your boyfriend thinks your fat, and you are. Go to the gym. You have fat rolls.”
The truth is, my boyfriend doesn’t think I’m fat. He tells me I have nothing to be insecure about, and he likes me just the way I am. And ya know what? So what if I have a few rolls! I can’t beat myself to death over this stuff, it’s unhealthy. It’s not going to make me any thinner if I keep telling myself I’m fat…so — enough is enough!
this is an awesome topic. i find myself slipping into negative self talk a lot. i found a blog called eat the damn cake which has really helped me to reframe the negative talk. the blog owner regularly ends blog entries with an unroast. it has been awesome for me to see how to take a body image issue and see the other side. instead of hating my pouchy stomach i thank my uterus for being so wonderful during two pregnancies.
i once ok sometimes moo-d at my reflection
I have negative self talk pretty much every single time I get dressed in the morning. I think things like “How could you wear that? It makes you look like a cow! You should just wear a burlap sack!” I would never say that to anyone else. Yet, I have no problem saying it to myself.
I like Sunny’s idea of accepting the characteristics of my body, but combating the idea that those characteristics have ANYTHING to do with my self-worth.
Negative voice: “You have a muffin top.”
Me: “Yup. What’s your point?”
Negative voice: “Well, that’s just gross. How can you stand yourself?”
Me: “Wow, you sound really offended. I’m not sure what my muffin top has to do with being able to stand myself, though. Like, this fatty part of my body is all that matters about me?”
Negative voice: “Yes. With flab like that, nothing else matters.”
Me: “I’m pretty sure most of the people in my life would disagree with that. I have a lot more to offer than my body fat percentage.”
Negative voice: “Are you sure about that?”
Me: “Absolutely.”
I have a certain amount of softness and jiggle myself… so I identified with the ‘squishy’ word-never thought of it that way. But what I most beat myself up about is midlife weight shift to “apple” from pear. My hips are slimmer than 20 years ago-but I have a big belly pooch and rolls of fat at the bra line and ribcage that weren’t there when I was slender and younger. It’s funny how they didn’t bother me so much when I was heavier overall but now that I’m not, they’re more apparent.
I did have someone ask me if I was pregnant a few years ago when I was a little heavier (and I’ve never been)-fortunately I think it’s pretty apparent that I’m closer to 50 than 40 now so hopefully no one asks me that now since my belly could pass for around 4 months…. and I think I’d lose it and hit them!
Oh, and if I gain five pounds from vacation or something I am pretty mean to myself in my head about being as bad as a huge person who does nothing but eat all day, yada yada yada.