What do you mean I have to start wearing jackets? Do mine even fit anymore? Agh!
I fully admit to being bad with change. Whatever personality quirks made me easy prey for binge eating disorder have also made me prone to black-and-white thinking, rigidity, an obsessive need for stability, and a thorough dislike of change. And that includes changes of seasons.
Ugh. Can’t things just always stay the same?! OK, now that the fearful little five year old in me has had her tantrum, let me get real with you all: The onset of fall really does kind of bum me out. Why? For one thing, the cooler air sort of brings back melancholy memories from childhood of being in high school. (Tough times for anyone, but perhaps especially those of us whose eating issues started then.)
But mostly it’s because of the clothes. Sadly, all of my weird body quirks didn’t disappear when I recovered from BED, and one of them is dreading the seasonal clothes try-on.
Those of you who live in places with four seasons know what I mean: At the end of summer, you’ve got to pull out all of your pants, jeans, sweaters, etc. that you wore last year and try them all on to see if you still like them, if they’re still in style, and of course, how they fit. Now that I’m no longer actively bingeing the fit thing isn’t as big a deal as it used to be—I no longer worry that I’m going to have go out and replace my whole wardrobe because I’ve packed on 25 or 40 pounds. But I still don’t know how it’s all going to shake out.
I am a little heavier than I was a year ago (you guys remember why, right?), so this clothing changeover has the potential to be a bad-body image inducing experience. Ah well, another opportunity for growth, I guess. When facing adverse realities, I’ve learned it’s important to have a plan. So this is my plan for getting through this fall transition as a whole, and particularly, the fall wardrobe changeover:
1. Keep doing what makes me feel mentally and physically healthy (mediating, working out, and feeding myself well).
2. Go into it with curiosity (hm, wonder what’s gonna happen!) and see it as an opportunity. I’d like to look at the clothes try-on as an opportunity to find new outfits that I didn’t know I had and come up with a (hopefully short) list of new things I’d like to buy.
3. Keep my attitude nonjudgmental. If something doesn’t look quite right on me anymore, or doesn’t fit, I want to remind myself that bodies change, just like seasons. And if I’m a little curvier during this winter than I was last, that’s OK. Why? Because body size is meaningless as long as I’m in not bingeing, am treating myself and people I love well, and I’m healthy (check, check, and check!).
Am I the only one who’s a little freaked out about pulling out her pile of jeans? If you’re having any fall-related body angst, please get it out, then pledge with me to be as nonjudgmental and curious and accepting as you can be about where your body is right now. xo…Sunny
Jeans have been an issue for me FOREVER. Whether or not my BED is in affect, jeans have just always caused a problem for me. I’ve never found a pair with the right fit — they’re always too tight here or too loose there — awful. I actually hate trying on jeans more than I hate trying on bathing suits, believe it or not. But I vow not to let it get to me — I’m not going to tell myself that I’m too gross to fit in jeans and that I’m a disgusting pig and I need to lose 100lbs, because that’s just ridiculous. Instead, I’m gonna keep doing what I’m doing and searching for that perfect pair. Oh, and I just found out that Lane Bryant carries 7 for all Mankind in plus sizes, from 14 and up! I think I’ll go try those on tomorrow…
totally agreed, sunny… i agree to your pledge of accepting my body and working for health to feel good in my jeans - and genes!
Again you have used the word “Curiosity.” I can’t tell you how helpful that word has been to me. I can be curious about myself and the food world around me instead of biting, judgmental and angry. Not that anyone else knew I thought the way I did, but I knew it and I felt it. I am working hard to become curious, and it is freeing me in a way I wouldn’t have imagined just a few months ago. Thank you for reminding me about the power of words and for introducing me to such a terrific one.
Being curious about ourselves and life is tough sometimes. I remember the first time I heard a therapist talk about it that way I was confused—what do you mean, be curious about what’s going on? But it does tweak the way you think—in a good way, doesn’t it? xo…Sunny
[…] dread the beginning of September the same way that everyone dreads Sundays. (Like Sunny! Read why here.) They know they only have one more beach trip and a couple visits from the Ice Cream Man left […]
I think it’s hard for every woman in one way or another, not just those with eating problems. I know many supposedly ‘healthy’ people who have trouble with clothes, and it’s probably just highlighted because of the seasonal change.
I’ve always had issues with jeans, as my waist is a lot smaller than my hips. I seem to fit “ideal” waist to hip ratios, yet no shop seems to make jeans ot fit my shape.
Eating issues definitely make relationships with change, and clothes, harder, however. I found myself turning to food on more than one occasion after attempting to find some new winter clothes (and failing). I am hoping that I can remember it’s the clothes’ job to fit me and not vice versa!
[…] chilliest day we’ve had here in New York so far this fall—and aside from making me want to dig out my winter jackets from the back of the closet, cooler weather also kind of makes me want to […]
[…] thing on which to focus our deeper-seated anxiety, fear, or damaged self-esteem. And I, ladies, am not immune […]