I fully admit to being bad with change. Whatever personality quirks made me easy prey for binge eating disorder have also made me prone to black-and-white thinking, rigidity, an obsessive need for stability, and a thorough dislike of change. And that includes changes of seasons.
Ugh. Can’t things just always stay the same?! OK, now that the fearful little five year old in me has had her tantrum, let me get real with you all: The onset of fall really does kind of bum me out. Why? For one thing, the cooler air sort of brings back melancholy memories from childhood of being in high school. (Tough times for anyone, but perhaps especially those of us whose eating issues started then.)
But mostly it’s because of the clothes. Sadly, all of my weird body quirks didn’t disappear when I recovered from BED, and one of them is dreading the seasonal clothes try-on.
Those of you who live in places with four seasons know what I mean: At the end of summer, you’ve got to pull out all of your pants, jeans, sweaters, etc. that you wore last year and try them all on to see if you still like them, if they’re still in style, and of course, how they fit. Now that I’m no longer actively bingeing the fit thing isn’t as big a deal as it used to be—I no longer worry that I’m going to have go out and replace my whole wardrobe because I’ve packed on 25 or 40 pounds. But I still don’t know how it’s all going to shake out.
I am a little heavier than I was a year ago (you guys remember why, right?), so this clothing changeover has the potential to be a bad-body image inducing experience. Ah well, another opportunity for growth, I guess. When facing adverse realities, I’ve learned it’s important to have a plan. So this is my plan for getting through this fall transition as a whole, and particularly, the fall wardrobe changeover:
1. Keep doing what makes me feel mentally and physically healthy (mediating, working out, and feeding myself well).
2. Go into it with curiosity (hm, wonder what’s gonna happen!) and see it as an opportunity. I’d like to look at the clothes try-on as an opportunity to find new outfits that I didn’t know I had and come up with a (hopefully short) list of new things I’d like to buy.
3. Keep my attitude nonjudgmental. If something doesn’t look quite right on me anymore, or doesn’t fit, I want to remind myself that bodies change, just like seasons. And if I’m a little curvier during this winter than I was last, that’s OK. Why? Because body size is meaningless as long as I’m in not bingeing, am treating myself and people I love well, and I’m healthy (check, check, and check!).
Am I the only one who’s a little freaked out about pulling out her pile of jeans? If you’re having any fall-related body angst, please get it out, then pledge with me to be as nonjudgmental and curious and accepting as you can be about where your body is right now. xo…Sunny