HOORAY! Little Victories!
Happy Friday! It’s the end of the first week of February, so I thought it would be a good time for a “Little Victories Friday!” For readers who are unfamiliar with “Little Victories,” check out some of our other posts on the idea and contribute if you would like (in the comments, in your head, or in your journal…whatever you like!). “Little Victories” are what I call the small (yet important) steps, moments, thoughts that eventually pave the way to big changes and recovery.
To be honest, as I am sitting down to write this, I am having a little bit of difficulty picking out a “Little Victory” for myself—I have been traveling for a job and have been a little bit out of whack and off my usual rhythm. But there was one afternoon when a co-worker/travel bud asked if I wanted some yogurt covered pretzels. Small, sweet snacky foods can be trigger foods for me, but I did feel a little grumble in my tummy and I was able to accept the offer and trust myself that it wouldn’t lead to overeating. He passed me the (large) bag and instead of just having it sit on my lap and lead to mindlessly eat more than I wanted, I took a small amount and passed the bag back.
It was as simple as that. I ate them and didn’t have the desire for more. Sometimes I laugh at myself, because all it takes are a few simple little coping mechanisms like this to avoid situations I don’t want to be in. The key is knowing myself and my tendencies and then being prepared with ways to handle things when they come up!
So, even on a week where I was having a little more difficulty with this stuff, I still found a “Little Victory”—and actually sitting down to think about it like this has helped a lot. (Thanks you guys!)
So how about you? Your turn, let’s hear them! —Morgan
[photo]
Look at us...all helpin' each other and stuff! How cool is that?
Your emails and comments are so inspiring. The conversations we’re having here are creating a community and helping people—and the site is growing: Just this morning, I got an email from a reader in Saudi Arabia who was reaching out because she doesn’t know where else to turn. We also have readers in the U.K., Sweden, Australia and all over North America. If there was ever proof that we are not alone and that more help is needed for young women struggling with emotional eating this is it!
Today, I wanted to share a happy note from a reader named Kyla who talked about how her life is changing for the better. It warmed my heart and started my day off right—I’m hoping it’ll do the same for you.
“I am half-way through reading Feeding the Hungry Heart at the moment, one of the books you’ve recommended on the site. I am so moved and inspired by Geenen Roth’s writings, especially about dieting. I am moved into tears by what others what have gone through and have shared in the book.
“Would you believe my thoughts and attitude towards food are slowly changing? Every day, I affirm to myself that I eat for nourishment and that I exercise for strength. I used to see exercise as a punishment for eating. And it is very destructive that way. This is my body. I should love and take care of it. I still get the urge to overeat but at least for now, I am really trying to change and focus on healthy than calories/weight figures. To all of you reading this, please do yourselves a favor by reading the book. You and I are not alone in this struggle.
“I want to quote a line from the book, which I believe is very very true in my case: ‘For every diet there is an equal and opposite binge. Bingeing is part of dieting. When we go on a diet, we relinquish the responsibility of learning how to nourish ourselves. And sooner or later, it backfires, and we binge.’ I will try to avoid saying diet. I will focus on healthy.”
Have you read or heard something lately that has inspired you to get saner about food or your body? Please share! xo…Sunny
[photo]
Ever feel as puffy as this guy? That's a fat day.
I’m not talking about that F-word, but one that is perhaps more damaging…FAT! A few days ago I had what I deemed a “Fat Attack!” It might sound silly, but I think it’s a pretty common occurrence. I haven’t had one in a while, so this is why it took me a little by surprise. I just felt…”fat.” My jeans were tight, I felt bloated, I convinced myself my arms were flabbier than the day before, I had an unsightly zit. Ugh…it wasn’t pretty.
As soon as I heard myself say all of this, I luckily had a counter-thought to myself, “Fat isn’t a feeling, dude,” which is a helpful idea that a few books on the subject of overeating and body stuff talk about. Again, just like food is often not the real issue at hand with overeating, when feeling badly about your body, it’s usually not your actual body that is the issue. I took the feelings as a red flag to observe a little more into what was actually going on. Some of the things that after I paused and took a breath, I realized were going on: I was under-slept, I had been out of town and hadn’t been able to exercise, it was absolutely freezing out, I had a weekend coming up that didn’t involve any time to myself or just relaxing, AND some other personal things that aren’t really all that interesting. 
So yeah. I sat myself down and I knew I had to get myself out of this…and while it took about a half a day, I managed to pull through with minimal damage. I did eat a few more chocolate covered raisins that my roommate had out on the counter than I would have liked, but I put those away, took a shower and read some blogs that I like.
In the past, when feeling this way, I might have continued down a black and white spiral that included eating more I need or want and feeling guilty and even more terrible, with the possibility of a multiple-day “Fat Attack.”
It has taken me a while to be able to not freak out and be self-destructive when some of these types of feelings hit, but I have learned to be patient and figure out some things to calm myself down and re-frame my beliefs and attitudes. Plus, being able to recognize the feeling or situation (because fat isn’t a feeling), acknowledging that this is what’s going on, pausing to assess what might actually be going on, and then doing something to redirect all of the negative talk and energy, can be hugely helpful. Oh yeah, and I’ve found that just plain breathing is good too!
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Any things that help you deal with it? (Hey, I might be able to manage it now, but I could always use some other ideas!) –Morgan
Ever tried to explain binge eating or the compulsion to overeat to a “normal” eater? Yeah, they usually don’t get it. There are some things that only another emotional eater can understand—and see the humor in. As Rachael, 20, a reader from the U.K., says…
Ever taken food back outta one of these to finish it off? Yeah, me too.
I was explaining to a lovely friend the other day what binge eating disorder is and how I have struggled with it for about 5 years now. She just didn’t understand—she could not fathom why anyone would want to eat skim milk powder from a packet or 15 slices of bread covered in Caesar salad sauce. I replied “well I don’t WANT to” to which she said …”well why DO you do it?”
This is a question that I have been battling with throughout my binge eating journey. Why do I do it? Why is my relationship with food so unnatural? Why do I choose food as a comfort over the comfort of my friends? I think that is the number one question anyone suffering from BED needs to get to the root of, whether it be through self reflection, journal writing, counseling, hypnotherapy or yoga.
Now casting the seriousness aside (though I do believe it is a terrible thing to struggle with and can have huge implications in ones life), I wanted to quickly touch on the ‘humour’ involved in BED. Because what I found when I was relaying my story to aforementioned friend was that we just couldn’t stop giggling at the absurdity of it all. And her repeated questions of “but WHY, why would you do that?” rather than being judgmental or harsh, just highlighted that something I have come to consider as a normal, everyday happening, is in fact a little strange.
BED Humour:
I’ve eaten a block of chocolate in the…wait for it…shower. Not wanting my mum to catch me and scared that she could hear me unwrapping the foil, I thought I would kill two birds with one stone—get clean and binge. Although the hot water certainly didn’t help as I soon found myself covered in sticky, runny chocolate.
I used to wish my beautiful boyfriend at the time would leave my house so that I could eat anything in the fridge. I would rather sit and stuff my face with ice cream and sandwiches then hang out, have fun or make love.
When there aren’t any foods my brain considers “bad” enough I will make my own concoctions. For example I would take brown bread, slather it in butter, put fatty salad dressing on it, baked beans, nuts, tomato, ham, 3 types of cheese and whack it all together and chow down. My friend took that all in and said “but weren’t you sick?” and the sad thing is I wasn’t. That was just a mini binge. After I had done that and “ruined” the day I can continue, sometimes for hours—and it would only be until I am so bloated, gassy and have a migraine that I will actually stop eating.
Last night I bought a tub of low fat icecream thinking I would have 2 scoops. I ended up eating half the tub in secret in one sitting. I threw the rest into the bin but when I went to the fridge and there was nothing “bad” to eat I went to the bin, found the tub and finished it off.
Yes ladies, I ate from the bin. You’ve gotta laugh sometimes to stop yourself from crying. —Rachael, 20
[photo]
Snail mail is nice, but e-mail us your Real Story!
Happy last Friday of January! I hope the first month of 2010 has started off well for you all! Sunny and I are excited about about getting the HealthyGirl.org Book Club up and running and hearing more from healthygirl.org readers—we are always excited to hear from you. (By the way, we got a ton of requests for the free Crave books; once we find out exactly how many copies we’re getting, we’ll notify everyone.)
Speaking of which…you may recall that we have a Real Stories section on here (one of my favorite parts!) where brave readers and contributors have shared their amazing personal stories, struggles and recoveries. If you would like to participate, we would love for you to share and hear your voice. You can never have too many stories to remind you that you are not alone.
Even though I was hesitant at first, I found that it was actually really helpful to share my own story. If you would like to perhaps help yourself AND help others through this process, feel free to send in your Real Story (aim for 600 words or less) to healthygirladmin@gmail.com…You can use your own name, or change it, those details aren’t really a big deal. It’s your experiences, and your honesty, that counts. —Morgan
[photo]
Ready to read?
Cynthia Bulik, Ph.D., author of the first book we’re reading in the HealthyGirl.org Book Club is sending over some free copies!
I think we’ll have about eight to give away. Send your name and address to me at healthygirladmin@gmail.com and we’ll send them out first come, first served. (I wish I could get free copies for all of you!)
xo…Sunny
Today we have a guest post from a lovely young woman named Lauren. She asks an interesting question…I’ll answer in the comments. Hope you do too. The bigger this conversation gets, the more people we help, ladies. xo…Sunny
What was your defining moment with food? Mine involved candy bars...lots and lots of candy bars.
What was your defining moment with food?
After years of wanting to do something about eating right, I hit a breakthrough—or so I thought. I found Sunny’s old blog on glamour.com a few years ago, which led me to sign up for the Body By Glamour shape-up plan that she was doing. I was determined to finally, once and for all, change the way I lived my life!
Months of counting calories in the online food journal kept me in an honest relationship about what I put in my body. The exercise routines allowed me to break a sweat five times a week and discover my passion for running. Even after I bid farewell to BBG and was independent in my new lifestyle changes, I wasn’t just doing well, I was doing fantastic. I thought of myself as a model success story when I hit my one-year mark of eating right and doing fitness while even continuing to lose pounds.
Then, one night, I was waiting for the subway home, stressed from not eating all day. Everything apart from food had been erased from my brain. I rushed off the train and sped to my apartment like a charging bull. I remember making a turkey sandwich, eating an apple and then my memory leaves me.
What I saw afterward told a sad story. Boxes full of 100-calorie packs, gone; bread and deli assortments, gone; several frozen dinner meals, gone. I saw a Duane Reade bag with a receipt lying on the counter: bag of Reese’s Cups, gone. I saw blood mixed with my vomit sitting in the toilet. I felt like someone had beaten my throat and body with ten bats at one time. I napped the rest of the day and woke up the next morning to shamefully clean up the trash from the previous day’s binge. This wasn’t the first time this had happened in my life. I fell to my knees on my kitchen floor crying.
It has been over two years since my relapse in my apartment and I can truly say it was my defining moment with food. I learned that my “year of success” was filled with too strict of eating and over-exercising. My body was weak but more importantly, it was hungry.
I don’t think I can say I’ll ever be fully recovered; relapses can happen in the most surprising of moments. I can, however, continue to eat healthy, fill my body with enough food, and give my body rest from the gym when it needs it.
Whenever I feel myself thinking about food in a way that I know for myself is unhealthy, I always remember that night. As horrifying as it was, it serves as my motivator that I never want to get to that place again, and I’m pretty darn confident I won’t.
What about you? Have you had a defining moment with food? —Lauren
[photo]
These “Little Victories” posts that Morgan started are a real inspiration, dontcha think? I had one last night that I wanted to share…
I love the fact that I could eat a burger and fries without going overboard...or feeling guilty. In the least. Yum!
My husband and I started this thing we call the Burgerventure (like burger + adventure) a year or so ago: Basically we want to try every “best” burger in NYC…eventually. I’ve been craving a nice big burger and we haven’t had one in ages, so last night we checked the NYC Burger of the Month Club for a suggestion and went to Landmarc.
It wasn’t just the perfectly crisped fries or juicy, perfectly medium patty that made dinner last night so awesome: I had two little food sanity moments that left me feeling fantastic.
First, I stopped eating when I was full, even though there were fries, some burger, bun and melted gruyere left on my plate. (NEVER woulda happened a few years ago.) Then, we looked at the dessert menu and…I realized I was full, and didn’t need or even want anything else to eat right then. (Ditto on the never-woulda-happened a few years ago thing.)
Do you all have any little food-sanity victories to share today?
xo…Sunny
A great, insightful Q from HealthyGirl.org reader Marina, who just turned 20. Hope her situation helps shed some light on your own…and as always, feel free to weigh in with your own experience and tips, guys!
Sooo bored. Hmm, wonder what's in the fridge?!
Q: Hi Sunny,
I’m going through a downwards spiral with my bingeing at the moment after a stable few months. I was wondering how you eventually came to that stable place where you are in control of what you eat? I have tried to have counseling, but found it unhelpful. I always seem to be OK when I have a lot going on; it’s free time that scares me as I have free reign to binge and generally indulge. Thank you so much for your website, it really is a savior to girls like me. —Marina
A. First, let me say that I’m sorry you feel like you’re in a downward spiral right now. It can feel really hopeless when you’re in that space; but it’s not. By reaching out and asking for help you’re doing the first thing you need to to get yourself on a healthier, happier path.
About therapy: I did find it helped me. It’s not that it directly helped me stop bingeing, but over a period of a few years (yep, I said year!), it got me to a point where I had a ton of self esteem. Once I built up that confidence, self esteem and inner strength I was able to finally really tackle the bingeing.
Like you, “free time” used to be a big binge trigger for me. It was really based in fear of the unknown. If I didn’t have any plans, or a schedule, I’d get super anxious and want to eat. Here’s a detailed description of what I did to get better, but in short, I started going to weekly binge-eating support meetings (here’s how to find one of your own) and even did a little bit of cognitive behavorial therapy, in which you focus on what false thoughts and beliefs you have that help cause your unhealthy behaviors.
Those things helped me realize the warning signs that I was about to binge, and I started instituting healthier behaviors that could take the place of eating. Each time I’d make the happy, healthy choice and do something like read or go for a walk, or write about my feelings instead of sticking my face in a bag of peanut butter M&Ms I felt stronger and my self esteem grew even more.
I still sometimes get worked up and restless when I have nothing to do. So the last time it happened I did this exercise called the “ladder of higher meaning” that I read about in The Worry Cure, by Robert Leahy, Ph.D.:
1). You start by writing down what the situation is that’s making you uncomfortable. For me, it was having this few hours of free, unstructured time.
2). Then you identify what emotions you’re having. Mine were fear and anxiety—I was anxious because I wasn’t doing anything and felt like I should be busy, busy, busy.
3). Then you sort of connect some dots until you find out what positive characteristic of yours these feelings are linked to. My process went a little like this:
• I’m anxious because I’m not doing anything.
• Why? Because I feel in control and effective and successful when I’m doing things. It makes me feel accomplished.
• Feeling accomplished is important to me because I am an ambitious and hardworking woman.
Ta-da! I wasn’t anxious and fearful because I’m a wimpy scaredy kat, but because I’m smart, ambitious and success-oriented! That made me feel good about myself. The fear dissipated and I decided that I deserved a break. So, I “planned” a three hour period of…nothing! I literally laid on my bed while my husband took a nap next to me and just read, flipped through a magazine, relaxed. (Yeah, it was awesome.)
Recovery has been a long process for me. But I am saner about food today than I ever imagined I could be. There’s hope! And you’re on your way, Marina.
One last suggestion: Why don’t you join the HealthyGirl.org Book Club and read Crave with us? It’s a great book that will really give you a better understanding of what’s going on. We’re going to start that up next week, so stay tuned. No matter what, stay in touch and let me know how you’re doing!
xoxo…Sunny
Tweet This
[photo]
