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I’ve been thinking about writing this comment for several months now, and I’m afraid that what I type here will be in no way adequate. But I wanted to say thank you.
I started reading your glamour shape up blog in the very beginning. At first I thought it would be yet another weight loss blog that would somehow inspire me back onto my “diet.” But instead it made me realize, that at the age of seventeen, I had somehow developed a very dangerous and unhealthy relationship with food. Your blog, and eventually Margarita’s, not only showed me that I had binge eating disorder but that help was possible. But more than that, your writing proved that women’s bodies,no matter what size or shape, are beautiful.
So thank you. Thank you for showing me I was not alone. Thank you for writing about how to overcome something I was too embarrassed to admit I had. And thank you for opening this new site which I will continue to read.
I happy to say that I’ve been the same size for over a year now. While binge eating is still a temptation, it no longer governs my life or my health.
Wow. I am so grateful that you decided to say all of this. My heart is so full at the thought that I may have helped you–and I am so incredibly happy for you and your recovery. What a blessing! Thank you again for speaking up like this. You’ve made my day, my week…my month, heck, maybe my year! And please do keep coming back to the site–we need people like to you start the conversation and talk about the hope that we really CAN get better and get sane about food.
Hi Sunny. I never follow random links on websites. Tonight I did and somehow ended up here. Wow. Every word of your story rings so true. What I find most interesting is that you know why you eat. I am the same way. I am an extremely self aware person and can break down the reasons why I eat, and I can even tell you why I choose the foods that I do when I do! This doesn’t, however, stop me from doing it. I even started smoking pot before I would binge so that I could blame it on the ‘munchies’!
I’m a 32 year old woman, I own my own (successful and creative!!) business, and happily left a marriage where I was unfulfilled. I have amazing friends and family who are all incredibly supportive of me and my work. I had solid footing on my life and everything in it. My weight was perfectly reasonable, and I was a very contented size 8 after years and years and YEARS of ups and down and insanities and sanities. I got into a passionate and mentally stressful relationship that undermined my confidence (he cheated, I decided it was because I was too fat…) and enter the old binge cycle! (and yes, I also get the crazy irony and twists that are needed to think that bingeing on food is a solution to a concern that someone lied because i was fat…) I tried the binge and purge thing in high school but really, it’s disgusting, and you only get one set of teeth in this world! So, my control became being about bingeing but not purging. (Even as I write this, I realize how many strange leaps of rationalization that are involved in all of this!)
Your stories about the blanking out after a binge are so real. My binge points have always been about deadlines. If I have a trade show or deadline looming, my mouth starts to water for binge foods…bags of cookies, macaroni and cheese, chips, pulled pork sandwiches on super squishy bread!! I tell myself I am going to run out and get a coffee, knowing that I will pick up a dozen donuts at the same time, and when I do that, I will tell myself that they will last me all week…even though I am fully aware that I am going to eat them all that night. I even used to go through drive thrus and order extra drinks so that it looked like I was buying for a group of people. And the worst part is that I’ve been doing this long enough that I am fully aware I am going to feel bloated and gross when it’s done, and that I won’t be able to get anything done!! I’m your classic Type A, with procrastinator tendencies and a leaning towards compulsive behaviours all over the place! It’s crazy.
I guess that my reason for writing this to you is to say thank you. Thank you for being a successful woman with a demanding career and having the strength to say something about it. So often, whenever people talk about this (if they talk about this) they are coming at it as a doctor or psychologist or nutritionist. I’m sure it’s helpful for some, but it bores and irritates me.
I’ve spent the last 6 months in an up swing towards stability (but they always seem like that, don’t they?) I’ve come to the conclusion that bingeing is a part of who I am…so I’ve started swapping out binge items…replacing a bag of cookies with a huge bowl of veggies with red pepper dip…I bought a punching bag…I’m hoping I can get myself addicted to exercise…it seems like a rational substitution…we’ll see. In the meantime, I look forward to reading and contributing whenever I can.
Hi Heather–thanks so much for this note. I’m really inspired actually by something you said about the little lies we tell ourselves. How you tell yourself you’re just going for coffee when you know very well you’re going to buy a dozen donuts. It’s those tiny little thoughts that get us into trouble. But they’re hard to fight. I think I’m going to do a post on that! I’ll email you when it goes up. xo…Sunny
Hey there Sunny,
Just a word from a UK reader.Evidently, you get a lot of messages similar to this one, but more praise never hurt anybody! I would just like to say thanks; thanks for helping me realise that I have a problem, and that the problem has a name. I have been battling food issues for some time now, but have always considered this a minor condition due to the minimal attention given to it by press, etc. Yes, it may not be as extreme as starving yourself to a fatal level or weighing half a ton, but the emotional implications of over eating are too important too overlook. After reading several posts on your blog, I realised that I needed professional help, and decided to take advantage of the councelling services provided by my university. Last year was really tough and I turned to food as a result of this. Although this year has been so much better, I am finding it hard to break old habits. It feels as if my self control and good intentions can only last a few days before I have to succumb to unhealthy binging again. I have returned to my original weight after last year, and while a UK size 8 (not quite sure what this is in the states) is considered just right for my height, I can’t seem to get through the negative self images.
I am a university student in my second year, and have gotten involved in so much in order to distract me from returning to my old ways. However, I shouldn’t have to panic when I suddenly find myself with free time (and an opportunity to have a crazy food day and I am trying to work through this. It seems that you have finally achieved a healthy outlook on life, and I will continue to follow your blog. After all, we should be eating to live, not living to eat.
Thanks again xxx
Marina, thank you so much for leaving this comment. I am so happy to hear that something you’ve read here on HealthyGirl.org has helped you! I love what you said: “it may not be as extreme as starving yourself to a fatal level or weighing half a ton, but the emotional implications of over eating are too important too overlook.” That’s so key–too many women think their food problem doesn’t count because they’re not half dead from it. We deserve to be free of this! Please keep checking in and letting all of us know how it’s going. And you can email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. xo…Sunny
Was sent this youtube.com video on Facebook by Ryan’s wife, Laura. Thought you might find it interesting. Take Care!
Wow–pretty striking, Wendy. Thanks! It looks like the movie came out last year. I’m going to look it up… Sunny
this blog is SO fabulous, I feel so lucky to have found it!
as someone whose dealt with bingeing, everything on here is so informative and helpful. as cliche as it sounds, it feels good to know I’m not alone.
I’m so glad I found this website. I have been struggling my whole life with my weight, and I’m only 24. I had been doing great up til I got pregnant at 19. Then came depression and way too much food. I have lost around 60 lbs in the last 3 years, but I am still considered to be obese, and with quitting smoking a year ago, I can’t seem to lose any more weight, and eat more. I live in a small town, so there really isn’t anything for a support group up here. So i am very thankful to have found this site. I hope with some support of women who have the same problem as me will help.
Hi Amanda–welcome to healthygirl.org! I’m happy you found the site, too. Thanks for joining in the conversation and I hope you keep coming back. Sunny
First off I wanted to tell you how much I love your website:) I also binge and am having my first doctors appointment next week at my college, then will be admitted to group therapy. I am a little bit afraid of this process because it feels like if I go through with it, it means that my binging is a reality and not “something that happens once or twice a week”. What can I expect in this treatment and what advice do you have for me beginning this process?
you’re a serious inspiration. I’m still in the recovery of my own battle with food; unhealthy binge/restrict cycles since I was 12, then full blown bulimia developed when I was 15. I acknowledged it was a problem (binging and purging up to 8 times a day) about 18 months ago but it took another 6 to pluck up the courage to to see someone. From there it was 6 months before I stopped purging, then slowly the binging started subsiding. As the binging left, I slowly lost weight to a point where I’m now inside my ‘comfort zone’.
Binging was disappearing but with stress of exams I’ve binged a couple of times in the last 2 days – but hardly anything in comparision to how I used to. Yesterday I binged on a creme egg, half a packet of haribo and a bag of 10 mini brownies, today I’ve had part of this giant cookie, a mouthful of marzipan and this other weird dutch thing but again not much. Neither time was I left feeling bloated or sick like I have been and although I feel the old urge to purge..its not as strong.
So I know I’m making progress; during exams last year I was at my worst. It just doesn’t feel like it. I was going through a great stage of feeling good about myself a couple of months ago but then christmas happened and I was in a state of just over-eating every day.
Have you got any tips for accepting yourself as you are? I was really making progress with it and thats when my binging was at its lowest as I was starting to like my body. But it seems to have..gone. And I don’t know how to bring it back.
Thank you for putting together such an amazing site. It’s really wonderful to find a group of people who are supportive and understanding and motivated to change, and it’s also really encouraging to hear from you about how you slowly overcame your eating problems too.
I’ve had trouble with food for a long time now – probably 15 years. When I write that down, it scares me – I can’t quite believe this has been going on for so long. I was initially anorexic, then reasonably normal for a couple of years, and then I slowly started down the path of binge eating (such an ugly word). Part of the reason things went on for so long was that I never sought help. I was too ashamed of what I was doing, nobody talked about it the way they talk about anorexia or bulimia, and I was certain that I could change things myself. I felt that, since I was so successful at university (and later work), that surely I could sort out something as simple as eating. As you, and others, have so well pointed out, however, it’s not really the eating that’s the problem.
Anyway, I just turned 29, and while this isn’t the milestone of 30, it has certainly caused me to reflect on my life, and to think about where I might go from here. Because, although it feels like my life will always be dogged by eating problems, the truth is that each day is a new day, and there is always the possibility for change. I have recently started seeing a psychologist, and that helps a lot. I have a caring husband, who wants me to be happy, and whom I want to make happy. And I have a new found need to be open and talk with people about this dark problem.
I was wondering if you might mind commenting on an issue which has been going around my head recently. I know that the foods that I eat affect my emotions, and I know that I am much more emotional at times when my binging is at its worst, or just shortly after. I am pretty sure that this is affecting my relationship with my husband and my family (and probably it affects my friendships too, because I normally distance myself from friends when I feel down and sad, which they probably don’t understand). What I am concerned about, is that the binging/restricting also affects my emotions and interpretation of events at times when I feel relatively normal, too. I suspect that, because much of my energy is focused on food and weight, there is less for the people around me, and this makes me more impatient and more likely to overreact. Do you feel that you are better balanced, in general, in your responses to people and stressful situations now that you no longer battle so much with food?
Thank you again for making such a wonderful site, and best of luck with your book.
I found your site through the HuffPo and was not going to visit as I am not a “young” woman any longer but I’ve had such a hard several weeks and am feeling so down that I decided to follow the link. I’ve had weight issues my whole life and with the exception of a period of anorexia when I was 16 and weighed 86 pounds, I just can’t seem to do what you did–I can’t conquer my food addiction. I weigh 350 pounds and feel horrible. I’ve put off most of my life because of my weight. You know the “I’ll do that when I lose the weight” excuses. I’ve never really had a relationship because I just don’t like myself and I channeled most of my energies into my work where I had to prove to everyone that the fat girl was as good or better than the rest of the staff. I am so exhausted by this life and so, so depressed but still, I can’t seem to get out of this hole. You’re lucky you beat this young. You’re lucky you figured it out early. To all those teenagers who might come to this site, do something now before it’s too late or you’ll end up like me–a lonely, fat, person who has no energy to do anything.
along with the other comments, i too wanted to personally express my thanks for your blog, as well as your dedication to daily posts. through your blog and my own research, i’ve realize that i actually have a PROBLEM. it has a label. it has a name. and with that i feel more empowered to conquer it. i am not “overweight” by any means, but i am out of my comfort zone and i feel i have lived the past 15 years of my life always trying to lose those “pesky last 10 pounds”. and i’ve come to the shocking realization that those 10 pounds stem from my binge eating. by all accounts, i am a healthy eater, i exercise frequently, i am an active person. but even bingeing on healthy foods can cause weight gain. i’m embarrassed that i never made the connection before. or ALLOWED myself to make the connection. while i knew that eating ten handfuls of almonds couldn’t be good for me, i pushed it aside as being in a moment of munchies or boredom. not recognizing it as a legitimate PROBLEM. not seeing that it was something i had no control in. i would force myself to leave the kitchen, just to return a few minutes later to see what else there was to eat. there was no listening to my body, no thinking before i put something in my mouth. it turns automatic and my brain shuts off. i turn into a robot. it’s not until i’ve made myself so full to the point of feeling physically sick (or just simply ran out of food) that i stop. then comes the waves of guilt and the “tomorrow i’m starting a diet/going to the gym every day for 2 weeks” promises. these promises last for about a week, until i find myself bingeing all over again. the cycle has become dizzying.
i’ve started to become resentful about all the time i spend at the gym, burning off these binge calories. if i could control myself to begin with, i wouldn’t need to exhaust myself physically and lose out on other activities in my life because i’m stuck in the gym, still fighting those “last 10 pounds”. i’ve realized that those 10 pounds are put on every time i binge. they are not “pesky” or “stubborn”. they are as recent as my last lapse of control.
that said, your words and inspiration has really opened my eyes. while i’m still very new in recognizing my problem, i am making a conscious effort of listening to my body before i eat. i am conscious of being “bored” and will try to find something else to do before inching my way to the kitchen just to swing the cupboard door open and zone out in robot mode. i know it’s going to be a long process, and there may need to be some therapy involved. but until then, your blog is a constant stream of support. now, rather than going into the kitchen, i pull up your blog and read. and listen. and acknowledge. and heal.
You are so welcome, Stacy! Thank you for sharing this. Knowing that this site touches peoples lives is what keeps me and everyone else who pitches in going. Please join in the daily discussions on the posts and let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see more of here. xo…Sunny
I feel so relieved to have found this site. I know I am echoing what a lot of people have said before me, but I just wanted to reiterate the fact that for a lot of us, we’re not exactly sure where to go, and now it’s nice to know one place to go for support.
In my long, long recovery from BED I’ve always wanted more than anything else to know that I am NOT the only person who is dealing with this. Sometimes I look around at my friends and wonder if anyone else I know and love is suffering through this, and that thought alone makes me want to stop and get help. Sometimes I think that the only thing that is missing so far as my recovery is concerned is a friend to talk to about what I am going through. I know I could and should probably find a recovery support group, but the truth is I am daunted by the thought, and afraid to reveal myself to people for what I truly am (because with the exception of my bf, who knows I do this but doesn’t quite understand the extent) no one knows that I am dealing with this problem. I really liked how simply you laid out options for finding support group help, so I am going to look into those. Though I was wondering if you know of any specific support groups you can recommend in NYC (I assume you live there, if you work for Glamour). I live in Manhattan, which presents a whole other weird side to this problem–most people seem to have their lives entirely together, and I am worried there won’t be the same kind of open-mindedness in a NYC support group as there would be in a support group in another city.
But if you do have a specific group or organization or therapist or anyone to recommend in the city, I would appreciate it, because I am so overwhelmed by the number of choices.
Thanks for writing this blog–it’s really made me hopeful for today (and one victory at a time, right?)
Support groups in NYC rock–really. I’ll email you. xo…Sunny
Thank you for visiting my blog.
And i’m really sorry, if i done wrong (republish one of your article on my blog site).
I’ll delete the post from my blog right away.
Anyway, thank you so much for your sharing.
What do you suggest for “morning after” feelings? Let me explain:
I have been reading your blog for a while now and it is so refreshing and helpful.
Eating has been going better, but yesterday, yikes, not such a good day. I woke up feeling bloated and sick. On a positive note, I went walk/running anyway. It wasn’t a great exercise session, but at least I was out in the fresh air and doing what I know is good for me. I ate a moderate breakfast, but, somehow, the demons in my head are really loud on days like this. Maybe they feel louder today because they haven’t been there for a while.
I don’t want to go back to feeling like this on a regular basis. That is how I used to live.
Deanna, I used this comment as the jump off for today’s blog post. Check it out! xo…Sunny
OK, Sunny, I’m back again with another question: How do we know what we really look like?
I have slowly discovered that I don’t know what I look like. That may sound crazy, but…yes, I look in mirrors and I have pictures, but I am afraid that my body image is so badly distorted that I can’t see myself. Often I feel HUGE, when, objectively, I CAN’T be that huge because some part of me knows what size of clothes I wear and they aren’t that huge. Also, certain body parts are more distored than others (at least I hope so). I doubt my nose is really that wide, my waist really that rolly and ….well, you get the idea.
Do you have suggestions?
Hi, omg (sos I know u posted this some time back; but I have only just read it) yeah I know I always think that and sometimes I’m thinking no K that is strange/what are u saying.. blah blah. Like for instance I feel really fat an all I have this really nice big douffle coat that is quite nice to wear in the cold, but not lokking in the dreaded mirror I feel sooo fat and chunky but then when I do for instance in a department store, I see a straight back but I feel fat. It’s awful! .. so I know where you’re coming from. I’m just soo glad Deanna that there is someone who understands me even if I don’t
And u said distorted body parts? I don’t know to me the word ‘distorted’ is soo scary.. don’t u think?? Well I feel my face is tooo fat:( So when I restrict calories/starve/exercise.. I just loose weight from the body rather than my face.. and that is unfortunately damaging me. I still binge.. and here is a secret something has happened to my fingers on my right hand (index finger to be specific) it has gone lumpy and I feel pain when I bend it.. it hurts.. I am guessing something to do with my binges are to blame.
I still binge. I still feel fat. I still feel glum. And I feel tired.
I hope u are okay..
Sitting in my room alone after what seems like my one thousandth binge and one thousandth failed attempt to get this beast under control, I admitted defeat and did a websearch on binge eating help. Then spent over an hour reading almost everything on with website. I haven’t felt to positive or hopeful about my food situation in years. Thank you so much for putting this website together. I’m going to try extra hard this time round – not so much to lose weight, but to stop binge eating and actually gain some self-love. It’s not ordinary for an 18-year-old to brush off friends for food, to cancel appointments because of a post-binge “hangover”, to feel hatred for my body so potent I could bottle and sell it. Things need to change.
I’m just glad this is the internet because I’m getting emotional now. Thank you Sunny. You are an inspiration and I hope this is the start of something new for me.
No, it’s not “normal” to do those things…but I did them too. A lot of us at healthygirl.org did. I’m so glad you found us! Don’t hesitate to reach out with comments or questions: Sunny@healthygirl.org.
I am confused and sad:( x
Hi, hope your all well..
I would like to share something with you guys tonight. Somebody in my hometown has sadly passed away; 2 days ago due to an eating disorder (bulimia), she commited suicide and was very young. May she rest in peace, we all know how she may have felt.
Take care guys.
There is an interesting article about a staff blogger for Marie Claire magazine and her response to the new sitcom, Mike and Molly. Mike and Molly are about an overweight couple who meet at Overeaters Anonymous. The staff blogger had a very severe reaction to the idea of the show and it would make an interesting post I think…
i need help badly. i’v never posted on a web site before, i havebeen trying to deal with this myself, with family. after the love of my life who id been living with for 5 years left me suddenly about 7 -8 months ago i have been distroying myself . in short i went through 4-6 months of alcholle and drug binging including strenuos workouts to make me feel better , but mostly just partying then because before i was a health nut i have been trying to get back on track. i have been binging for a couple months , i thought it was getting better. im trying to quit smoking and have only cheated a couple times in one month. i excersize and all that, or at least i try, its very hard because im sad and lonley and heartbroken still among many other things. iv cut myself off or am trying to from the world and friends in an attempt to get my life together but i keep on failing . i hate my body , i hate my inability to cope . i try to do yoga everyday (althought the last two days i havnt) and then i binged yesterday and this morning already . huge amonts of food to the point that im in alot of pain and once i start i cant stop. i have support from my mom but someties she cant even stop me. i feel so disgusting . expecially because my dream of being a nutritionist /health proffessional./personal trainer get father away all the time. when i was partying and drinking at least i felt good even if i was unhealthy now i just feel terrible and unworthly. im so sad and i dont know what to do now. please help me , im sitting at work rigth now crying again and i need to know how to fix this. i cant wait any longer for progress. iv read web sites and health blogs ALL DAY , everyday. i am obsessed with helping myself out of this because i know that i could be somthing great but i just cant pick myself up anymore. please help me
First, congrats on reaching out. It’s so hard–even over the internet. I know! Please do me a favor and read this post about the steps me and other members of the HealthyGirl.org community have taken to get better. Reading blogs and reaching out are fabulous first steps, but to get better we have to keep moving forward and trying new ones. This post will give you some options. Pick one and go for it! xo…Sunny
Thank you so much sunny, i will do that. i apprecaite having some support from people who understand as so few do what i feel rigth now. Thank you in advance for all your help
so i need some magor help. im 16 almost 17 and i weigh 220 pounds. im not very confident and i want to lose this weight but every time i try i just end up eating tones of food the next day. i dont mind excersise, but its not my favorite and lately im in such a rut that i cant do anything but laze around. im tired of beig fat and it feels like ive ran out of options because i dont feel like i have support. please help.
Sara, I just read your post and feel moved to share my sister’s story with you. She was exactly your age and your weight when she decided to get herself healthy. I know exercising is not fun, and especially uncomfortable when you feel heavy, but it is a critical part of being a healthier you.
Start out just by walking and focus on the idea of getting “stronger” and not just “thinner.” Maybe there is a fun dance class in your area. Challenge yourself to walk further each week. When you feel ready, mix some jogging in. Sometimes, committing yourself to exercise will give you the confidence you need to walk away from trigger foods. You will feel more in control. My sister is now in college and has been maintaining her healthy weight for the past 3 years now. Just focus on each day as it comes. Be the best self you can that day, and eventually these days will add up to months of good results. Have faith.
Hi Sunny! I just saw your article in Glamour about BED and it was awesome!
I came across your website and immediately ordered your book. There was just something that I completely identified with when I read “the good girl’s drug.” In the past several months, I have been wrapping my head around the idea of being a compulsive binge eater. I have always struggled with food in my life, since about the age of 13. I put on weight easily, so as soon as I hit puberty the battle was on. I had lost a considerable amount of weight at age 15, hoping boys would “like” me. I remember writing obsessively about food in my diary, along with other notes of horrible self-hatred.
I watched my father live as a true food addict my entire life. He would hide food from us and eat at all hours of the night. I remember as a child hearing him get out of bed, go down to the kitchen, open the pantry, and eat. I also watched as this real “disease” eventually lead to other conditions including high blood pressure, diabetes, and congestive heart failure. He was only 55 when he died, one year ago this month, from a major cardiac event.
I would honestly say that at this point in my life, I don’t know if I have the strength to get over my issues with food. I’m 26 and hope to be free from my obsessive thoughts. Within my first year of marriage, and after a professional set-back, I gained the 30 pounds I lost for my wedding. Now, after losing my father and finishing law school, I’m about about 45 pounds overweight. I’m ashamed about the way I look and, even worse, my increasing lack of control over what I eat. It is just mind-boggling to me that I’m “stable” in every other aspect of my life, yet I have little control over what I put in my mouth. Every meal seems like another opportunity to over-eat, which I either give into or fight off.
I’m going to read your book and seek out a therapist, as you recommended. I have to get honest about my issues. I’m already finding myself hiding foods from my husband. I still have to talk to him about my problem, although I feel it’s terribly “unsexy” to tell your husband you have compulsive thoughts of eating large amounts of food!
I want to do the work necessary and not just put myself on an anti-depressant to mask my problems. I’m promising myself to commit to the healing process. I will pray for strength.
I am 15 years old this and i know i have a binge eating disorder. It started 7 months ago, i started eating huge amounts of food and couldn’t control myself. i would just grab whatever foods and stuff than into my mouth, and my stomach would be so stuffed after binging that i don’t even feel like moving at all. i have read many of the posts and tried to stop binging, however i failed many times. at the end of the day i would just stopping resisting and start stuffing myself. i have gained 10kg in these past 7 months. i feel so depressed now. i really really want to recover. please any helpful tips ??
Hi Sunny. I have had the pleasure of reading your book as well as some of the books you’ve recommended. Unfortunately, I’m one of the unlucky girls suffering from binge eating, and still struggling alot.
I think I have had food issues since I was 15, but have always been at a healthy weight (from the lower end to now the higher end). I am now 20, and recently I have been struggling so much more with binge eating, despite taking the right steps to getting better (telling a doctor, telling boyfriend, reading self-help books, doing a computer-based CBT program because no other forms of therapy are available to me). I feel like taking the ‘right steps’ just made it worse because it took away my burden and desire to do well, which motivated me to stop binge eating.
I am now binging from as frequently as every day to as infrequently as several times a month. It seems random and I cannot pinpoint it to any stress, emotion, location, or situation, which makes it extremely difficult to figure out the reason for it. It is definetely worse when I am home, which is currently the case since exams are soon and there are no more lectures at University.
I find it extremely difficult not to go to the nearby store and get bags and bags of junk food. I do my best to eat balanced, wholesome meals, eat regularly, but it does not help. I allow myself to eat what I want because I know restriction is no good, but it is actually rare for me to want something junk-y. Problem is, when I do actually want something junk-y, no moderate portion will satisfy me, and I need one after the other after the other until it is physically impossible to have any more. There have been times when moving as been so painful that I had to use a bucket as a temporary toilet in my room, and times where I woke up in the middle of the night choking on my reflux. My doctors (I have seen a few) say I can’t be referred to a therapist (I live in the UK), though I have been following a computer and phone based CBT program via self referral which has not really helped at all.
I have recently been really trying to figure out the why. Why do I binge? What am I replacing with food? I have tried to regularly focus on breathing, attempt to medidate or pamper myself, read books on the subject, exercise (though exercise always seems torturous, it does make me feel better after), but nothing has really seemed to help, besides being with someone 24/7, besides my boyfriend (who knows about my problems and therefore I have no desire to hide from).
I am desperate at this point to get better. I will take any advice, any suggestions, and I really do not want to ruin my summer with binge eating. I will try anything..
OMG I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE YOU .
And i am 15 … which is when you started your binging .
I also feel really hard to control what i eat when i binge,
it’s like the world just fades away and it’s just you and the food .
and i have a healthy weight too, just that i am much heavier in the
‘healthy range’ now .
and i am as desperate as you now to recover ..
I just discovered this site and am going to buy your book. I saw your mention of “fat talk” and felt both relief and sadness. Relief that *someone* gets it while the rest of world seems to think it is hilarious to ridicule fat people. Media messages don’t make it easy. Flipping the channels last week, I caught 30 seconds of the Courteney Cox show “Cougartown.” Someone made reference to setting a man up with a woman who was not in the scene. To show her disapproval of the woman as a match for the man, Ms. Cox puffed out her cheeks and held out her arms to illustrate heft, obesity. I was sickened. The message, of course, is that being fat immediately disqualifies someone from being worthy. What an original, clever joke.
In contrast, I saw the wonderful, hilarious “Bridesmaids” movie with the fabulous Melissa McCarthy yesterday. Not a single fat joke in the whole movie and I was on edge and waiting for it – because it is always so welcome. Words and images have power and I have to say it is really tough the way fat people are constantly ridiculed. In this movie, Mccarthy’s character Megan was a hilarious, smart, fully formed human. What a relief. Thanks to Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo for the writing. -Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for this site. -Rocky
Just watched your videos on YouTube. I am so happy to see that you are helping young women. My story is very similar to yours, except that I didn’t start to get help until I was 25/26. Now, 31, and after a couple years of therapy, I’m in the “I know all the what and why’s of my behavior and just want to be done with it” stage. Your comment about the support group being what helped you finally consider yourself recovered was helpful. I’ve been tossing around the idea of joining one for a year now, and I’m going to go ahead and do it! GL with your baby, I had my son 2 years ago and pregnancy was the first time in my life where I didn’t binge eat (I think because I wasn’t actively trying to lose weight, therefore there was no binge/restrict cycle). Anyway, thanks again!
I found that blog just a couple days ago but I already realise it’s really helpful. I keep reading post and comments.
I am actually not american. I am spending the summer working here. Back at home no one talks about the BED. I knew I had a problem and I was looking for information and help but when I posted in a website to look for support, all the girls kepr saying that I have no will power and this is not really a desease and I have to stop eating like that and start acting normal. There was just one girl who admitted she had the same problem, she sent me an e-mail but never wrote againg.
All the stories I read are about girls who start binge eating at 14 or so. I actually started at about 19, when I was already at university. I have never been overweight but I have always been a bit fat – at the age of 16-17 I was about 140 lb and 5 feet 4 inches tall. At about 18 I lost about 20 pounds. During the summer I gained a few so when I started university Iwent ot a diet. Before I came in the USA last summer I was 115. For just 3 months here I gained 18 lb! I would binge every night when no one could see me. I have binged occasionally before, but not that often. After I came back come, I was trying to go on a diet againg but after a few days of dieting, I would binge again. I moved out my parent’s house to another city and each time I go back home to my family, I binge all the time so I’m in terrible mood. When I go in the city where my university is, I eat much less and I was so energetic and happy (I sometimes binge even there though).
Now, back in the USA, I hope I will be able to start recovering. I can’t afford theraphy but I will get your book (and maybe a few others cuz there are no such books in my country) and I will be reading your blog. Thank you for keeping it – I’m sure it helps a lot of girls!
Sunny, I sent you an e-mail. I’m not sure if your e-mail will consider it SPAM so please check for it. It is something really important for me.
I discovered about your book when I bought the Seventeen magazine with the binge eating disorder. At first, I honestly didn’t think I had an eating disorder, but as the weeks went by I began to eat more and more. When the soccer season in my school finished, my eating took over and it still has. I eat so much and it made me gain so much weight in so little time. I’ve always suffered with my weigh, but until this year, I was finally at a healthy weight. But now, I’m back to where I was and when I acknowledge this, it makes me really depressed. My weight gain makes me ashamed to see my friends and loved ones, my clothes don’t fit me, and I become extremely moody/anxious when I think about this. No one in my family understands what I’m going through no matter how much I tell them about binge eating disorder and I’m growing apart from them because of this. I take out my anger about my weight at them and everything in my life is going downhill. I just don’t know how to get help, I can’t seem to bring myself to find support groups or make my mom spend the money we barely get on a therapist. I can’t continue like this because it tearing my life apart at such a young age. When I read your book, it made me notice a lot to why I’m like this, but I was wondering if you had any advice or words of wisdom for me.
You understand what I’m going through when no one around me does.
I found your book at Barnes & Noble while I was on a trip to visit my grandma in the hospital. Somehow, I felt like her being so proud of her life inspired me to do something about my own, and when I spotted your book I think I knew how perfect it was right away. (I’d always told myself that my “food issues” were a little like a drug addiction…)
There was one thing that I would love it if you could write a little about. My relationship with my dad has always been a bit topsy-turvy. I’ve grown up being very afraid of pursuing a real, honestly intimate relationship with guys as a result of it, and I know that my body image issues are directly related to being nervous about seeming “attractive” and “available” to guys, so I’ve always tried to cover it up by being overweight. I’m just starting to really dig in to this issue now, but I would love it if you could write a little something (or ask one of your friends to post) about how guys (and/or dads) can impact our relationships with ourselves. I know I’m not alone in this issue, but it sometimes feel like I have so much work to do to feel “normal” when it comes to guys and romance…
With a heart full of thanks,
I just wanted to thank you so much for the work you put into this blog. It has been a source of such great advice and i dont feel so alone with my ED, and that is an amazing feeling. I have been living with eating dissorders since i can remember (even at 5!) and i have begun to take the advice from this blog. I’ve seen a dietician and i have an appointment to see a psychologist on tuesday
Rachael here. Thanks so much for including my story in your book. For want of a better word it’s been quite the “journey”. Things go from good to worse to terrible to ok and back again.
I just wanted to let my fellow australians know (and it’s in the States too) that I have just discovered Overeaters Anonymous. There are city and regional meetings and luckily I can attend at least 2 a week.
I cannot describe the relief I felt finally walking into that room. I was greeted by a 25ish girl, normal weight. There were young and old men and women. Thin and fat and average sized. The common thread – compulsive eating and powerlessness over food. We share stories and support each other and cry and laugh. I feel like I will finally be able to recover here. I wish it didn’t take me so long to get the courage to go. I know you’ve suggested it before. And it’s free!!!!
Thanks again for all the hard work you put into this site. I was wondering though is your book available in Australia?
There is no “Australian” edition just yet, but in the meantime, you can get it here: http://www.bulimia.com/productdetails.cfm?PC=1910
I just finished your book, “Food, the good girls drug” I read it twice on my kindle. the first time i just read it, took all the information in. It was eye opening. The second time I read it, I made notes and highlights in my kindle and reread my notes and highlights for a greater understanding of myself. I thought I was the only person in this world that binge ate. I finally couldn’t stand my relationship with food so I started counseling about two months ago with a very wonderful lady. Kate specializes in Binge eating. She lead me to your book and actually she was the one who gave my disorder a name for me. I have been a binge eater all my life. I am 49 years old. I just wanted to write to you and Thank You for sharing your journey. As I said, i am just starting my recovery, so it is hard for me to even imagine being where you are today. I have learned a boat load of tools to get me started thanks to you! I’m not sure if this web site is for me or not as it seems like the women are much younger. Thank You again for your openess.
I just ordered your book, after reading the article in Teen Vogue. What I already read gave me loads of hope. I´m fighting with my weight since I can remember. (I´ll be 33 next week) It´s amazing to see that this is not only “my” problem. I never thought that so many girls and women are dealing with the same disorder.
Another help I recieved were the meetings from overeaters anonymous. They don`t judge you, they welcome you with open arms.
Hope your book will help me keeping my track. Like the webside already does.
All the best from germany
I quite literally just finished your book. And reading that book was a big step for me. I’m working on my Masters degree right now in Family Therapy, and there’s something about trying to be a therapist and admitting to yourself that you might have a problem, that just doesn’t mesh. I was reading your book in the office at school the other day, and someone asked me if it was research for a client… It would’ve been so easy to say yes and just be done with it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I told the truth. And I felt better. I’ve kept my eating a secret for so long, and I’ve buried my feelings under mountains of McDonald’s and tons of Taco Bell — it’s never felt right or good to me, but having read your book, I can honestly say that I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to let my weight and food control my life. Every time I start a new diet, I like to write encouraging things in dry erase marker on my mirrors and on my refrigerator. One of my favorite phrases has always been ,”You deserve to feel like a whole person.” It wasn’t until I read your book that I realized that I really DO deserve that — I’ve just been going about it the wrong way.
Thank you, so much, for writing your book and being a part of a conversation that we simply do not have enough. You’re honesty has spurred my own, and I am so excited to begin a journey towards loving myself for what I am, and not what I believe I’m supposed to be. I deserve to be a whole person — I’m going to do it.
I am absolutely ecstatic that I bought your book two days ago, and literally within the past 5 minutes, made it to the end a transformed woman!
Your words, advice, wisdom, and questions have helped me discover more about myself than I EVER have before. I could do a cartwheel I am so excited. I am so glad that I am finally taking the steps to getting real HELP by seeking others, for my recovery from anorexia and binge eating, and I am just so grateful that your book was my first step. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!
I will carry what I learned from you for the rest of my life. Your words have helped me shield my heart, and recognize the beautiful woman that I am.
God bless you!!
Is it really possible to recover? I am feeling so low at the moment I don’t know if it is.
I am incredibly frustrated with all the time I have wasted in life binging. It feels like I’ve thrown away years and years of my life. How did you come to terms with that?
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