Ever seen the "Fix it!" skits on SNL? Sometimes we feel that way about ourselves, no?
Recently, I have been involved in helping a friend seek out ways to make some important and necessary changes in her life (this includes seeing a trained therapist, not solely talking to me about things).
Throughout the process, I have been thinking about the human instinct to want to just fix things and immediately make them all better. I’ve found that sometimes when working on making positive changes in yourself, there can be this nagging feeling of urgency, like “Okay, let’s fix this, and make it all go away.”
Fixing things seems like the ultimate solution (i.e., my life would be so much better if this were fixed), but sometimes the instinct to want to “fix” it can add to the problem. The inevitable feeling of not having control over something I want to fix creates anxiety that can make me want to emotionally overeat.
I have come to see that with strong emotions and exploring your inner workings, sometimes things have to get a little bit messy before they get better. It’s sort of like ripping off a dirty band-aid and cleaning up a cut so that it can heal properly—it’s not the easiest thing, but in the long run will be so much healthier. Sometimes the “fix me!” feelings can inform you more deeply about things you should pay attention to. So you can use these feelings to learn about yourself and what is really going on.
Where's the tape? Let me fix this thing up right now!
Next time you feel discouraged because you just want your bingeing or emotional eating or body obsession to all to be fixed right now, maybe remember that recovery takes patience and time, and think about how that urgent desire is shaping your efforts to get better.
Have you ever wished you could be “fixed” instantly? Did that feeling of urgency make things harder for you? —Morgan
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I used to always wish I could be miraculously “fixed” ASAP. The pain of going through the binge eating disorder was so acute-I just wanted it to end. Well, it HAS ended…it just took a while. All the time it took was worth it-it made me who I am today. xo…Sunny
Also-this video clip from SNL is one of my favorites. When I saw Morgan’s topic, I just had to add it to the post! If you guys haven’t seen it, it’s a must watch.
This is another great topic. I’ve been thinking about it all day - ironic, because I usually wish there was an easy fix at least one time a day. In these ‘wish my problems away’ moments I try to remember that life is about the journey, not the destination and that I’ve really learned a lot by working through my issues. I also think it’s ironic that I look so normal, but have so many food issues. For example, none of my friends know that I struggle with binge eating and other disordered eating issues. That relates back to yesterday’s topic that was exactly what I needed to read/think about - comparing myself to others. I really like the response posted late in the day re: comparing apples and oranges - both are delicious, but it’s not fair to compare them because they’re so distinct from each other. Lots of good stuff to think about this week - thank you Morgan! Angie
Another good post from you guys! I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix things, but even more than that I wish that my progress would be linear. I hate the feeling of making progress and suffering a setback. That can create huge anxiety and the feeling that I’ve completely failed and it’s not worth it to try. That’s super-destructive and high-stakes thinking, and it usually triggers a binge. I’m working on recognizing it when it bubbles up and being proud of the gradual progress that I am making. And I’m giving myself permission to fail!
The last thing about this is that I’m also enjoying the revelations that I’m having along the way. There’s no way I would learn so much about my relationship with my parents, or my feelings about work or how much I value my siblings and best friends if it weren’t for this journey.